How Strong Is Your Sexy Elevator Pitch Game?
How good are you at communicating your sexual needs to others? What about during those awkward/exciting/uncertain first times??
Do you communicate your needs, boundaries, fears and hopes in a clear way? And do yo make sure your prospective bed-buddy has heard them clearly? If you have an STI, do you tell them? And do you ask about theirs?
It can be so so SO hard to speak about these things, right? It is a VERY vulnerable conversation to be having during a moment that is already very vulnerable. So many people hide their truth out of fear of rejection, fear of being seen, or just not wanting to feel awkward. But not having these vital conversations brings up so much misunderstanding between people during sex.
How could you look the person you want to sleep with in the eye and communicate in a clear way your feelings, desires & fears? What would that take?
The first timeI came across this concept was at an ISTA (School of Temple Arts) training. They taught us the ELEVATOR SEX PITCH that covered (roughly) the following questions:
1. What are your desires & fears regarding this erotic play?
2. Have you been tested for STIs? Do you have any?
3. Do you have a partner? Does he & she know about this / are they cool with us playing?
4. What does this sexual encounter mean to you? Is it the beginning of something, or a one-off encounter?
5. What are your boundaries?
I absolutely loved it, as it made things so clear and I could see how it would avoid misunderstandings (as well as strange rashes).
And yet at the same time I remember thinking, “This is going to take all the magic away and it’s going to be super awkward!”
Despite my doubts, I started to apply it!! Wow…I felt much more free, open and lighter. I felt seen. I felt safe. It was so amazing to be so clear about my intentions, desires, boundaries, and fears. Far from detracting from the magic and spontaneity, it actually added a whole new level of aliveness to sex. Because I found that after having the conversation, I could actually, FULLY relax into the sexual encounter.
This is basic sex education that we should receive when we teenagers. It’s so sad that we don’t. I don’t know about you but my teachers were too busy putting condoms on bananas and talking about STIs to teach us how to have REAL and USEFUL conversations about sex.
So spread the word!. Have your own elevator pitch sexy conversations. And as always, let me know how you go!!!