The Key to Arouse your Woman is Actually her Brain
Do you wish you knew how to make you your woman aroused? To turn her on? To become the best lover for her?
In this article I will share with you some of my best tips to support her with getting turned on. I will explain both the Tantric perspective and the science behind arousal for women.
A woman’s arousal does NOT start with her vulva, not at all! A woman’s arousal actually starts in her brain. Arousal largely depends on her Autonomic Nervous System (ANS), and I’m sorry to tell you that nothing else you try will work if her ANS is not stimulated.
Imagine trying to drive a car without starting the engine. You can learn everything there is to know about the gears, how the clutch works, the indicators etc., but if you first don’t start the car, then you’re not going anyway. The same goes for a woman’s ANS.
There is so much talk about anatomy these days – the G-spot, clitoris, the cervix etc, but we first have to be aware of how to spark a woman’s arousal, before thinking about pleasuring her G-spot.
Let me tell you about one of my clients, let’s call her Sophie. She was constantly trying new sex toys, having sex in new locations, and buying new lingerie.
She was a busy woman, always running from one thing to the next, feeling stressed in her life and viewed sex just as another task she had to do for her partner’s pleasure. She wasn’t finding pleasure in sex herself, and she felt a bit sexually broken. When she came to see me, she finally realised she was not turning on her car engine – and I supported her to understand how to support her arousal and her ANS.
ANS plays major role in arousal for women.
We can’t consciously control or activate the ANS because it is in charge of many reactions which are involuntary. These include engorgement of erectile tissue, respiratory rates, pupils dilatations and so on; and are fundamental for arousal and orgasms.
For instance, the erectile tissue filling with blood plays important role for the sensitivity of the internal walls of the Yoni (Sanskrit word for vagina). Read more about women erections in my article here.
So, without further ado, here are my top 5 tips for allowing arousal and paying attention to your woman’s ANS. With this guidance you are going to be able to give your partner the most divine sexual experience ever!
1. Help her to feel safe. If she feels emotionally unsafe or something is worrying her, her ANS will not turn on. Feeling unsafe and worried is a huge turn OFF. So, it is super important that you support her to feel safe.
2. Help her feel relaxed. If she is feeling stressed, always on the go, running from one task to another and that sex is just another thing on the to-do list, her body will not be open for her arousal to arise. Her parasympathetic nervous system needs to be activated. She needs to feel relaxed in the body and in the moment. To support her you could: give her a massage, have a bath together, or have a walk in nature together. Do anything that supports her to feel relaxed! And if you aren’t sure of what helps her feel relaxed, just ASK her!
3. Make her feel desired! Give her compliments. Tell her that she is the MOST BEAUTIFUL woman on planet earth for you. Tell her that her body is beautiful as it is. Tell her that you love her. That you like her personality, that you love her heart, her skills. Tell her that she is the most beautiful woman alive in your eyes. Flirt with her. Express your desire for her.
4. Remove pressure and expectations. A lot of men tend to say things like “I really want you to cu.m! I want you to o.rgasm!” And they often do this to validate their skills as a lover. But, if you just let go of that and tell her that there is absolutely no pressure. And whether she has an orgasm or not, you are just going be there and enjoy the moment with her. Obviously you are not trying to stop her from having one and if she does it is a good thing, but let her know that she doesn’t need to have an orgasm for you or for your satisfaction.
5. Set the scene. To give her the ultimate s#x experience you need to treat her as a goddess from the start. Create a temple space for this beautiful s#xual experience you are going to have. You can burn candles, incense, make a nice playlist or have massage oil ready – anything to make her feel special and relaxed.
So, the key to a woman’s arousal, to start the car, to start her engine, is actually to activate her ANS in her brain. With the proper activation of the ANS she will be capable of experiencing profound pleasure and ecstasy. Doing all these things will really allow you to honour your goddess as she deserves. For most women, feeling safe, desired, worshipped and not pressured are actually just as important as the s#x itself, maybe even more.
Also, the sense of anticipation and of being teased allow for ANS stimulation. Amazing s#x will happen when she feels supported in becoming present in her body – safe, relaxed, and open.
So get ready to rock your goddess’s world and set your s#x life on fire!
Leave a comment with how you arouse your woman, or what helps your arousal if you are a woman!